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wordwitchA great deal of gratitude is due to Ladyholder, who encouraged me to write this, and to Callie Sullivan, who wrote the transcript from which I was working.
Thank you both.
Note: This is as far as I know to go. Ideas will be gratefully accepted.
The pro at Dave’s country club set me up with a trio of seniors that nodded to me and spoke nary a word. Took me to the fourth hole before I realized they were all as deaf as posts, when one of them stuck his hearing aid back in his ear so he could answer his “god-damned electronic leash, damn it” – apparently his family checking in, unwanted. Otherwise it was quiet and peaceful, and no one commented on any of the plays, or offered to help me improve my rusty game, or bragged or anything.
Just the wind, and the insects, and the tunk of the ball on the club. Fantastic. Ronon would love it, if he could make out why we were doing it.
By the ninth hole I was feeling well-rested and centered enough that even Teyla would be proud. The seniors nodded to me again and disappeared into the clubhouse, and I turned in my gear at the pro shop. Dave came through to meet me, and carted the two of us downtown.
I stayed quiet, to keep from talking myself out of it.
A tall, lanky guy opened the door to us, looking like he needed a pair of chaps to balance his silk tie and linen jacket. I was hit with a clump of dissonance, his wide-skies squint and broad smile as far away from the wary body language of every single Pegasus person I knew that it took my breath away, and Dave had to nudge me to shake his hand – Percival Butler, who Dave then called “Civil” for the rest of our visit. He and Dave explained to me the level of confidentiality he was offering, which was ... a lot. He got us sat down and offered us drinks; I took some iced tea.
Whiskey was fine, but I couldn’t stand soda any more.
He hunched forward on his knees, and said to me in a natural Tennessee drawl, “I understand I’m present as a consultant today, a headhunter of sorts?”
Okay, yeah: I was doing personnel requisitions again. I sat forward myself.
“I’m stationed at a highly classified military base that sometimes loses contact with the States for long stretches at a time. It’s a dangerous station, even inside the base, but the psychiatrist is among the most protected of the personnel.” Butler nodded, even as I was hit by the image of Heightmeyer’s fear-struck corpse, and flinched. “Which isn’t to say it’s safe: we lost our first psychiatrist to an invader.”
“You say ‘first,’ Colonel. I take it you’ve had others since?” he asked, one bushy eyebrow going up. I snorted.
“Yeah, they didn’t any of them take to it well. And we don’t really take to people who have no clue, you know?” He nodded.
“We have a large scientific contingent, all of them geniuses with the egos to match. We have a battalion of Marines, which I lead along with another Air Force officer, a Major.” Butler snorted himself, and sat back, his hands going into his pockets. No, not the most logical TOE, and about to get worse. “We have an additional three or so companies of international folks, mostly various army personnel, but other kinds of services as well, for a total of about six hundred military and two-fifty scientists.” I scratched my jaw, considering. “We have maybe seventy-five resident civilians, mostly from the area, and then we’re responsible for a floating population of refugees.”
“So, if I’m getting this right, one of the things you need is someone familiar with military issues in … combat areas, right? Including, I’d imagine, battle fatigue, PTSD, that sort of thing?” I nodded.
“First off, though, they’d have to pass a really tough security clearance. And then, they’d really need to be currently single.” Dave was looking at me funny; well, this was news to him. “I’m not kidding about the danger. You don’t want to send a family into this situation.” Butler patted his pockets, then reached to his desk for a pen and a pad of paper and started taking notes.
“All-male base?” I shook my head. As if. “Any objections to female psychiatrists?”
“None at all: our first one was female.”
“But?” I looked up from my glass to see him watching me. I shook my head a bit.
“It’s … it’s a real strange posting. She was a bit quick, sometimes, to assume people were mentally ill when they might have been compromised by something in the environment.” Butler made a few more swift notes. “Not to say we aren’t all insane – especially our geeks – uh, our scientists. They tend to …” I scrunched up my face, thinking of Rodney, thinking of his sister. Of Rod. “They’ve had to fight for recognition, a lot of times from people who really can’t understand them.” I thought a minute more. “Really, really can’t.”
I waited to let him finish his notes. Dave, who’d been staying quiet only by a strong effort, burst out, “But what about - !” I shrugged, slid down a bit in my chair, and folded my arms.
“Go ahead. You can tell him.”
Dave shouted “Incest! Suicide! Child abuse! Gay!” I tried to hide in my own shoulders, which – not really a workable thought, there. Butler just looked up at Dave with a betrayed look, and said gently, “We ain’t really there yet, are we, David?”
“But! Civil! It’s the whole reason -!”
“Gotta get those pre-reqs down first, David. No sense recommending a shrink the man can’t hardly see, is there?” Dave huffed, and then subsided, grumbling. I grinned down at my tea: finally, somebody who could leash Dave.
“Anything else, Colonel? Language requirements, undergrad in sports, diver’s license?” I liked this guy.
“Good at dealing with non-European cultures would be good. No shoulder-chips, not smarmy …” I looked at him, writing and grinning. “You think you could pass a security check?”
“Hey! He’s mine!”
Butler overrode Dave. “Sorry, Colonel, I’m a family man. Sounds like a trip, though.” We grinned at each other, and turned to look at Dave, who squawked a little like Rodney for a minute – and who knew he would do that? – and settled back in his chair.
“But yeah, Dave’s right. I need a shrink to deal with my mommy issues –” Butler pinned me with a reproving look, and I sat up. Right. I needed to be respectful of this. “Okay. Childhood incest with my mother. Exiled by my dad. Authority issues out the ass - ” and Dave muttered “And we all wonder why that is, right?” “- and my brother thinks I’m a homosexual, which I don’t buy, but if it’s true it can cause me a lot of trouble in my job.” Butler nodded ironically at me. “So, in addition to the security clearance, and the non-disclosure agreements, and everything else, this person needs to be able to keep personal secrets from every damn person on base or in command, except if the secret poses an identifiable and preventable danger to the base. So good judgment, too.”
“I’d like to say,” Butler muttered, scribbling, “that good judgment was a given, but we both know about that, don’t we?” I huffed an agreement, images of the last five years playing behind my eyes.
“What do you see as a proper course of action if it turns out you’re homosexual?” Right. Idiots are all around us.
“Celibacy, probably, till retirement. No ‘recovery’ treatment wanted, thanks.” He nodded in approval, scratching away. “Would you be wanting that to be a recommendation to any others under your command as well?”
“Oh God no!” I was horrified. “I absolutely want no harassment going on in my command regardless of who or to whom, and I absolutely want lovers not in the same chain of command, but otherwise I do not want to be told and I will by God not ask or pursue!” The thought made my whole spine crawl. “But I’m right there in everybody’s chain, and I can’t …” He was nodding.
“Got it. Okay, anything else?”
“Communicating with his brother?” Dave said pointedly. We ignored him, and I shook my head.
“That should do it.”
“Okay, I’ll start working up a list. I’ll give it to Dave, then? He’ll contact you with it?” I nodded. “Print or electronic?”
“Electronic, please. I’ll get it sooner. Oh, and Dave?” Davey kinda snarled in my direction, frustrated. “I can make sure they stop interfering with my mail, okay? I didn’t write because I’d never gotten anything from you. Thought you’d tossed me out too.”
There was a moment when none of us moved, thinking about that. Man. I’d have to think about who could’ve set an embargo on family mail for me: the military sees that sort of thing as sacrosanct. I knew I’d pissed off a lot of my commanders, but this was ridiculous.
“Reminds me,” Dave said after a minute. “Here.” He handed me something that looked like one of my own dog-tags, and an Earth-made PDA. “That’s a flash-drive; you peel off the rubber and stick it in this slot. I got a lot of books on there for you, some for the incest and lots that might be good for the base at large. You said they read mostly online there?” I nodded; some others had brought along hard-copy, but even fun reading was generally electronic. “I got library licenses for them, so you can put them on the server for everyone. Should go a ways toward protecting your privacy.” I looked at the two things, and shook my head.
“Dave,” I croaked; he gave me a real sad smile, and demanded my dog tags. I blew my nose, and got the PDA stowed in my pocket while he attached the flash drive to my chain.
Dr. Butler closed us down, shook hands all around, and got us out of there. It felt like I was missing a strip of clothing across my shoulders, but – Teyla would approve. Even Ronon.
Rodney, of course, would call the whole thing voodoo, and demand to know why I hadn’t gotten any help earlier, at length and at full voice, probably for days. Whether I told him about it or not. It’s not like there’s anything I do that he doesn’t find out about, if there’s any record at all.
And now I need to know: how do I finish off this monster? Ideas? Anyone? Bueller?
Thank you both.
Note: This is as far as I know to go. Ideas will be gratefully accepted.
The pro at Dave’s country club set me up with a trio of seniors that nodded to me and spoke nary a word. Took me to the fourth hole before I realized they were all as deaf as posts, when one of them stuck his hearing aid back in his ear so he could answer his “god-damned electronic leash, damn it” – apparently his family checking in, unwanted. Otherwise it was quiet and peaceful, and no one commented on any of the plays, or offered to help me improve my rusty game, or bragged or anything.
Just the wind, and the insects, and the tunk of the ball on the club. Fantastic. Ronon would love it, if he could make out why we were doing it.
By the ninth hole I was feeling well-rested and centered enough that even Teyla would be proud. The seniors nodded to me again and disappeared into the clubhouse, and I turned in my gear at the pro shop. Dave came through to meet me, and carted the two of us downtown.
I stayed quiet, to keep from talking myself out of it.
A tall, lanky guy opened the door to us, looking like he needed a pair of chaps to balance his silk tie and linen jacket. I was hit with a clump of dissonance, his wide-skies squint and broad smile as far away from the wary body language of every single Pegasus person I knew that it took my breath away, and Dave had to nudge me to shake his hand – Percival Butler, who Dave then called “Civil” for the rest of our visit. He and Dave explained to me the level of confidentiality he was offering, which was ... a lot. He got us sat down and offered us drinks; I took some iced tea.
Whiskey was fine, but I couldn’t stand soda any more.
He hunched forward on his knees, and said to me in a natural Tennessee drawl, “I understand I’m present as a consultant today, a headhunter of sorts?”
Okay, yeah: I was doing personnel requisitions again. I sat forward myself.
“I’m stationed at a highly classified military base that sometimes loses contact with the States for long stretches at a time. It’s a dangerous station, even inside the base, but the psychiatrist is among the most protected of the personnel.” Butler nodded, even as I was hit by the image of Heightmeyer’s fear-struck corpse, and flinched. “Which isn’t to say it’s safe: we lost our first psychiatrist to an invader.”
“You say ‘first,’ Colonel. I take it you’ve had others since?” he asked, one bushy eyebrow going up. I snorted.
“Yeah, they didn’t any of them take to it well. And we don’t really take to people who have no clue, you know?” He nodded.
“We have a large scientific contingent, all of them geniuses with the egos to match. We have a battalion of Marines, which I lead along with another Air Force officer, a Major.” Butler snorted himself, and sat back, his hands going into his pockets. No, not the most logical TOE, and about to get worse. “We have an additional three or so companies of international folks, mostly various army personnel, but other kinds of services as well, for a total of about six hundred military and two-fifty scientists.” I scratched my jaw, considering. “We have maybe seventy-five resident civilians, mostly from the area, and then we’re responsible for a floating population of refugees.”
“So, if I’m getting this right, one of the things you need is someone familiar with military issues in … combat areas, right? Including, I’d imagine, battle fatigue, PTSD, that sort of thing?” I nodded.
“First off, though, they’d have to pass a really tough security clearance. And then, they’d really need to be currently single.” Dave was looking at me funny; well, this was news to him. “I’m not kidding about the danger. You don’t want to send a family into this situation.” Butler patted his pockets, then reached to his desk for a pen and a pad of paper and started taking notes.
“All-male base?” I shook my head. As if. “Any objections to female psychiatrists?”
“None at all: our first one was female.”
“But?” I looked up from my glass to see him watching me. I shook my head a bit.
“It’s … it’s a real strange posting. She was a bit quick, sometimes, to assume people were mentally ill when they might have been compromised by something in the environment.” Butler made a few more swift notes. “Not to say we aren’t all insane – especially our geeks – uh, our scientists. They tend to …” I scrunched up my face, thinking of Rodney, thinking of his sister. Of Rod. “They’ve had to fight for recognition, a lot of times from people who really can’t understand them.” I thought a minute more. “Really, really can’t.”
I waited to let him finish his notes. Dave, who’d been staying quiet only by a strong effort, burst out, “But what about - !” I shrugged, slid down a bit in my chair, and folded my arms.
“Go ahead. You can tell him.”
Dave shouted “Incest! Suicide! Child abuse! Gay!” I tried to hide in my own shoulders, which – not really a workable thought, there. Butler just looked up at Dave with a betrayed look, and said gently, “We ain’t really there yet, are we, David?”
“But! Civil! It’s the whole reason -!”
“Gotta get those pre-reqs down first, David. No sense recommending a shrink the man can’t hardly see, is there?” Dave huffed, and then subsided, grumbling. I grinned down at my tea: finally, somebody who could leash Dave.
“Anything else, Colonel? Language requirements, undergrad in sports, diver’s license?” I liked this guy.
“Good at dealing with non-European cultures would be good. No shoulder-chips, not smarmy …” I looked at him, writing and grinning. “You think you could pass a security check?”
“Hey! He’s mine!”
Butler overrode Dave. “Sorry, Colonel, I’m a family man. Sounds like a trip, though.” We grinned at each other, and turned to look at Dave, who squawked a little like Rodney for a minute – and who knew he would do that? – and settled back in his chair.
“But yeah, Dave’s right. I need a shrink to deal with my mommy issues –” Butler pinned me with a reproving look, and I sat up. Right. I needed to be respectful of this. “Okay. Childhood incest with my mother. Exiled by my dad. Authority issues out the ass - ” and Dave muttered “And we all wonder why that is, right?” “- and my brother thinks I’m a homosexual, which I don’t buy, but if it’s true it can cause me a lot of trouble in my job.” Butler nodded ironically at me. “So, in addition to the security clearance, and the non-disclosure agreements, and everything else, this person needs to be able to keep personal secrets from every damn person on base or in command, except if the secret poses an identifiable and preventable danger to the base. So good judgment, too.”
“I’d like to say,” Butler muttered, scribbling, “that good judgment was a given, but we both know about that, don’t we?” I huffed an agreement, images of the last five years playing behind my eyes.
“What do you see as a proper course of action if it turns out you’re homosexual?” Right. Idiots are all around us.
“Celibacy, probably, till retirement. No ‘recovery’ treatment wanted, thanks.” He nodded in approval, scratching away. “Would you be wanting that to be a recommendation to any others under your command as well?”
“Oh God no!” I was horrified. “I absolutely want no harassment going on in my command regardless of who or to whom, and I absolutely want lovers not in the same chain of command, but otherwise I do not want to be told and I will by God not ask or pursue!” The thought made my whole spine crawl. “But I’m right there in everybody’s chain, and I can’t …” He was nodding.
“Got it. Okay, anything else?”
“Communicating with his brother?” Dave said pointedly. We ignored him, and I shook my head.
“That should do it.”
“Okay, I’ll start working up a list. I’ll give it to Dave, then? He’ll contact you with it?” I nodded. “Print or electronic?”
“Electronic, please. I’ll get it sooner. Oh, and Dave?” Davey kinda snarled in my direction, frustrated. “I can make sure they stop interfering with my mail, okay? I didn’t write because I’d never gotten anything from you. Thought you’d tossed me out too.”
There was a moment when none of us moved, thinking about that. Man. I’d have to think about who could’ve set an embargo on family mail for me: the military sees that sort of thing as sacrosanct. I knew I’d pissed off a lot of my commanders, but this was ridiculous.
“Reminds me,” Dave said after a minute. “Here.” He handed me something that looked like one of my own dog-tags, and an Earth-made PDA. “That’s a flash-drive; you peel off the rubber and stick it in this slot. I got a lot of books on there for you, some for the incest and lots that might be good for the base at large. You said they read mostly online there?” I nodded; some others had brought along hard-copy, but even fun reading was generally electronic. “I got library licenses for them, so you can put them on the server for everyone. Should go a ways toward protecting your privacy.” I looked at the two things, and shook my head.
“Dave,” I croaked; he gave me a real sad smile, and demanded my dog tags. I blew my nose, and got the PDA stowed in my pocket while he attached the flash drive to my chain.
Dr. Butler closed us down, shook hands all around, and got us out of there. It felt like I was missing a strip of clothing across my shoulders, but – Teyla would approve. Even Ronon.
Rodney, of course, would call the whole thing voodoo, and demand to know why I hadn’t gotten any help earlier, at length and at full voice, probably for days. Whether I told him about it or not. It’s not like there’s anything I do that he doesn’t find out about, if there’s any record at all.
And now I need to know: how do I finish off this monster? Ideas? Anyone? Bueller?
